I would like to begin this pastor’s message with a simple quote from Mark Twain "I can live for two months on a good compliment." How generous are we with compliments and praise? Let’s begin to explore this question by “… remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive,’ ” (Acts 20:35, NIV). The apostle Paul emphasized this important principle during his travels in the book of Acts.
This is especially true from a physical or monetary point of view, but what about something that we can’t put a dollar value on? Compliments and praise! Is it better to also give praise or to receive praise? King Solomon gives some wise advice when considering this, “The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but people are tested by the praise they receive,” (Proverbs 27:21). What did he mean by this?
The Life Application Study Bible, commentary on Proverbs 27:21 states: “Praise tests a person just as high temperatures test metal. How does praise affect you? Do you work to get it? Do you work harder after you’ve gotten it? Your attitude towards praise tells a lot about your character. People of high integrity are not swayed by praise, they are attuned to their inner convictions, and they do what they should whether or not they are praised for it.”
What about the source of praise? Should it come from within or from others around us? At times individuals can get caught up in praising ourselves, which can inflate our own image of ourselves and become a danger zone. Receiving undue praise can also inflate our self-conceit. We need to carefully balance our satisfaction in a job well accomplished in order to avoid excessive pride over how pleased we are with ourselves.
So, do we endeavor to receive praise for all the works that we perform? Or do we do them out of the goodness of our hearts to assist others? Jesus Christ explains the result of self-centered “good deeds”, "Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of people in order to be noticed by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So whenever you give to the poor, don't blow a trumpet before you like the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets so that they will be praised by people. I tell you with certainty, they have their full reward! But when you give to the poor, don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be done in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." (Matthew 6:1-4).
There is a profound piece of wisdom from Solomon that is very relevant: “Let another praise you and not your own mouth, a stranger and not your own lips,” (Proverbs 27:2, NKJV). Our words do more than convey information; they have an impact on people. If we don’t get any praise from others, it can leave us feeling low, alone, and even unappreciated. The power of our words can burden one’s spirit, even stir up hatred and violence. Words can exacerbate wounds and inflict them directly. Alternately, words can build up and be life-giving, they affect the emotional and spiritual health of those around us. (Proverbs 18:21; Ephesians 4:29; Romans 10:14-15). Of all the creatures on this planet, only humans have the ability to communicate through the spoken word. The power to use words is a unique and powerful gift from God. So, do we use them properly? How generous are we with our compliments and praise of others? Are we emotionally generous or stingy?
Emotional generosity is the act of making others feel positive without expecting anything in return. Emotionally generous people find a way to bring happiness, love, and positivity to others without expecting anything in return. They are constantly thinking about how they can be encouraging and make people around them feel better. They love giving compliments and praising others, recognizing their talents and potential, and showing appreciation, among other positive actions.
Being stingy is defined as: “reluctant to give or spend; not generous.” Emotionally stingy people are reluctant to give praise to others, often sizing them up before expressing approval. They are judgmental and critical of how others act; they even fail to recognize a success. They are not known to be an encourager, one who supports, or to empathize when you need it. Unfortunately, emotional stinginess is quite common in today’s society; and something we should all strive to avoid.
The most powerful compliment communicates the message, "I value you." We should endeavor to be communicating that value to those around us. “Compliments are the easiest way to make other people – and, as a result, ourselves – feel better,” says Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioural science at the University of Chicago. “But when a kind thought comes to mind, people often don’t say it.” If you do have a kind thought that marks genuine respect for another person; share it!
Complimenting people isn’t a habit you cultivate overnight; you have to train yourself to do it consciously. The apostle Paul gives us great advice on how to train ourselves to give uplifting praise to others which encourages unity. He reminds us: “And now, brothers, as I close this letter let me say this one more thing: fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about”. (Philippians 4:8 The Living Bible TLB) Think about how you can compliment and praise those around you!
Fix your thoughts, think, dwell, and think about things in others that are true, good, right, pure, lovely, fine, and praiseworthy. Pay more attention to those around you, and when something that someone does or says triggers a feeling of gratitude, speak that gratitude — out loud. Let that person know that you appreciate them. As we do this, we will cultivate uplifting communication. We must all strive to; “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear,” (Ephesians 4:29, ESV). It is a true act of generosity to give someone else a true and meaningful compliment.
Our words have the power to destroy and the power to build up (Proverbs 12:6). The writer of Proverbs reminds us all, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21). Are we using words to build up people? Encouragement often comes through spoken words. So does discouragement. “Reckless words pierce like a sword” (Proverbs 12:18), but “how good is a timely word!” (Proverbs 15:23).
Taking satisfaction in our own accomplishments is not wrong, just as long as we don’t draw excess attention to ourselves. As I conclude let’s consider again the question I started with: How generous are we with compliments and praise? We should all desire to become emotionally generous, especially with our brothers and sisters in Christ! Perhaps we should challenge ourselves this week to intentionally compliment others. Make this a family project! Edifying each other with a well-timed compliment or praise is beneficial to those around us. Just as with physical items, giving praise to others is better than receiving praise because it helps us appreciate the effort others take to make the world a better place, no matter how big or small the task.