I would like to introduce the topic for us all to consider by first referencing two old sayings. The first; “it takes two to fight”. Meaning you can avoid or end a fight by letting the conflict go. But if both pursue the strife, it will quickly get worse. The second in a sense is similar, “it always takes two fools to argue - two wise men will not argue”. One wise man will not argue with a fool; therefore, it takes two fools to argue.
With that introduction I would like to now consider a proverb that often is the basis for living in peace. “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out” (Proverbs 17:14). Let’s consider some background to better understand this proverb. In Solomon’s day, water was held and directed using levees, dikes, dams, ditches, and aqueducts (2 Chronicles 32:1-4, 30; Isaiah 22:9-11). Much of Israel was dry and being an agrarian society, they depended heavily on reservoirs of water. It was common knowledge that a slight opening in a dam or levee would quickly open wider by the flow of the water itself, which would quickly become a flood, very difficult to reduce or stop. It was understood that a dam was (and still is) much more easily preserved than it is repaired. To keep them intact, even minor breaches had to be avoided. As this proverb demonstrates, in the same way, a quarrel or contention will grow quickly, if it is not ended at the very beginning.
Wise men withdraw quickly when a conflict or contention begins. We all may see the beginning of strife, but who can calculate the damage in the end, especially when emotions are ruling his or her mind? A wise man or woman avoids the painful consequences of an unnecessary conflict by humbly backing down on the front end. The slight pain to their pride is nothing to them. There is an understanding that strife and contention can erupt – quickly and violently – into major battles. As soon as you sense the emotion entering especially anger rising as a conflict is developing, get away and avoid the person and the matter. There may be an appropriate time and place to discuss the topic or situation, however often as some say the best thing is to, “just let it go.” Do not let the fight, argument or contention even get started. Never answer “fighting words” with other strong words (Proverbs 15:1). Do not reply to contention, unless you use a soft and conciliatory answer to appease the party and thereby end the contention.
The counsel God gives is to abandon the quarrel before it breaks out. Why? Because the nature of contention is to move from "trickles to torrents!" There's a Talmudic proverb that says, "strife is like the aperture of a leak; as the aperture widens so the stream of water increases." A person, then, who continues to create little disruptions here and there, will someday also be the source of an eruption of major proportions. Three things can be said of a trickle that becomes a torrent: It lets out more water than is possible to predict, it lets out more water than is possible to control, and it lets out more water than is ever possible to retrieve. We are commanded to have gentle spirits, and attitudes of love and compassion.
To abandon a contention before it occurs often means that we are willing to die to ourselves and to our desire to make or prove our point. And in that sense, we are living sacrifices, willing to lay down our own interests for the interests of others. I have discovered that contentions usually start by going into an area that we already know will be contentious. 2 Timothy 2:23 reminds us “But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife.” Avoid those areas and if you find yourself in the middle of a disagreement, handle it with humility – spiritual maturity. Resist throwing a little guilt in someone's direction - or a little barb to get back a little for the slight we feel.
Consider Agur’s comparison, “For as the churning of milk produces butter, And wringing the nose produces blood, So the forcing of wrath produces strife”. (Proverbs 30:33). Churning milk produces butter; wringing the nose produces a nosebleed; pressing anger in a confrontation produces strife. This is God’s Word, and the lesson is there for us; meddling with or staying involved in contention will cause strife.
We all need reminders of the importance to be aware of strife and contentions. 1 Corinthians 3:3 “For where there are envy, strife and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men? We find in Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.” As much as it depends upon them wise men try hard to make peace (Romans 12:8), for the God of peace calls His children to peace (consider 1Corinthians 7:15).
Wise men and women, who are honorable and striving to follow God, defer anger and pass over offences (Proverbs 19:11; 20:3; Ecclesiastes 10:4), but a fool will stay meddling (Proverbs 20:3; 18:6). Righteous men and women know that it is pride that keeps a fight going (Proverbs 13:10; 21:24; 28:25); they know prudence and understanding will not let anger react quickly (Proverbs 14:29; 16:32; 25:8; Ecclesiastes 7:8-9). Contrast that with contentious men or women, those that like to argue, fight, or hold grudges. God’s Word says they are like those adding gasoline to a fire (Proverbs 15:18; 26:21; 29:22). Proverbs 16:28 teaches us that a contentious person sows discord even among friends. "A perverse man spreads strife, and a slanderer separates intimate friends." Proverbs 13:10 “By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well advised is wisdom”.
We want to be a people “well advised in wisdom”, thus remember Proverbs 17:14 as the nature of liquid water makes it difficult to restrain. Once it is released it will go in unexpected and uncontrolled ways. This is like the beginning of strife. Our interpersonal relationships often come with areas of disagreement and conflicting points of view. This is natural and something we all experience in our everyday lives; we must strive to not be provoked (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) and simply choose to end conflict – preserve the dam; stop the contention before it starts. If the quarrel is abandoned, what will happen to it? Where there are no participants, contention will die. God will greatly bless such peacemakers (Psalm 34:12-16; Matthew 5:9; James 3:17-18). Whatever the quarrel – contention – is, abandon it quickly. Let me conclude this pastor’s message with this thought; “It is honorable for a man to stop striving (contentions), since any fool can start a quarrel.” (Proverbs 20:3)