Every so often I have counseled and tried to console a person who is "beating himself up" on the inside. There is something hidden deep within that will not allow such a person to be happy with himself as a person. No doubt, there are reasons for such a thought pattern and those reasons often go far back into childhood experiences. When there is a lack of confidence in oneself there is often an accompanying fearfulness. A person who has been strongly punished for minor offences as a child will often be affected by that abuse. When human judgment is flawed and this person is the recipient of such judgment, he or she may quickly develop defense mechanisms. These defense mechanisms carry over into many facets of life and into our spiritual relationship with God.
Heb. 10:26,27 gives us a reason to examine ourselves to be certain that we are pleasing God. This does not mean we are perfect, but that we are moving in the direction of living by all the standards God has set. Paul explains that when a person has clearly and carelessly turned away from God and spurned every effort God has made to reveal his sin, that person has a reason to be fearful about the judgment that will come. This fearful expectation may not be visible until the person stands before God and there is the "weeping and gnashing of teeth" mentioned in Matt. 8:11,12 and other places in scripture. There is a good reason for that torment, but we do not need to go there. God does not want anyone to go there. It is only fearful to fall into the hands of God when He must give a fair and just punishment for the evil deeds that are not repented of. God's hands are also loving and gentle. That is the side of God we humans should seek.
In I John 4:17-19 we read: "Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been make perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us." That word "love" is "agape." Agape is what God is, and so we see that being made perfect involves our relationship with God. As a human learns about sin and repentance and then is led by God to baptism into the Body of Christ, that human is expected to fully trust God and believe that the majesty of Jesus' sacrifice is enough to cover all of our sins. There is absolutely nothing that God cannot erase if it has been properly repented of and Jesus' blood is accepted. That condition to which God leads us all is designed to remove torment and replace it with the love of God - agape.
Why are there some who are baptized who still experience doubts about their baptism and thus have inner torment? Usually it is because they have never really felt "accepted" at home, in school or in the church. These are all real feelings some people have. They must be understood and overcome. We may also have the notioin that nothing we can do is good enough for God and that He has so much glory and power that He surely would not have time for us. These thoughts stir up concerns, doubts and fears. How can we come before God with the boldness Paul spoke (Heb. 4:16) of when we are riddled with such doubts? The answer is that we really cannot and so we need to tackle those doubts. Understanding what and who God is will help us greatly. Knowing Him as a loving and forgiving Father does help us comprehend the meaning of Agape (God). That is what He is. Anyone who is a parent understands the strong and almost unreasonable love parents have for their children. God has much more love for us than any parent. Our family life should teach us about this love. It always boils down to trusting God and believing Him. Another way of thinking about this is that we need to have faith. Faith is hope that exists even when things seem unclear and impossible. Knowing God is a key to having faith.
My mother is afraid of mice. When she was growing up as a young girl in Europe, she was sent to the attic to bring down a basket of wool. She did not know there were mice in the basket and as she lifted it up, they jumped out on her. That left an indelible mark in her memory so that at 94 she still has fear when a mouse might be near. I have no doubt that she could easily leap onto a table for safety when fueled by that sort of fear. What fears do you or I have? We all seem to have some and need to be careful that there is no carryover into our spiritual lives. I know many people with phobias and fears that are unreasonable and yet very real to them. Children and adults need to develop tools to deal with these fears or they will bring lifelong torment. Control of the self and the mind is needed. That is what faith requires - control of the mind versus emotions and imagination.
Most inner torment is self contrived. It may have been learned by an experience, but it resides more in the mind than in fact. Fear of heights, enclosed spaces, spiders or the dark are all fears that are in the mind. They do torment a person. Depression, paranoia and mental anguish abounds in our society. We often combat inner fear in spiritual areas of our lives as well. Fear of God (not to confuse with awe) is a condition or state of the mind. As with all fears, with enough effort we can actually overcome these fears.
God did not intend us to have torment and He has developed His plan of salvation which is designed to remove that burden. If we experience great doubts about God and His love for us, it will affect out prayers and our spiritual lives. We will tend to pray with less confidence and begin to believe God does not hear our prayers. God took great pains to ensure that the suffering, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ were all carefully documented. He wants us to have confidence in that gift of life that He offers. He has taken the responsibility of calling to repentance those who He sees will listen and obey. He cleanses us with the blood of Christ and gives His Holy Spirit to be our constant reminder that we are His children. He even writes our names in His book of life. God has done everything that He can possibly do to reassure us of His love and forgiveness. He has taken the steps to erase human inner torment, and the rest is up to us. We need to display and develop faith and trust in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. We need to confront our fears and understand how events of the past have left us scarred. We need to learn to love God. When we struggle with all of that and truly put our noses to the grindstone, we will find that inner torment will be a thing of the past. We can then boldly come into His presence, walk with confidence and hold the hand of our loving Father, just as a child trustingly holds the hand of his or her parent. Children don't usually know where the parent is taking them, but they do not worry about that because they trust and love the parent. God is the greatest, the best, the loving parent of all time. Jesus says "Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Come, and your inner torment will flee.